“There is a kind of crying I hope you have not experienced, and it is not just crying about something terrible that has happened, but a crying for all of the terrible things that have happened, not just to you but to everyone you know and to everyone you don’t know and even the people you don’t want to know, a crying that cannot be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face.”—Lemony Snicket (via slekes)
First it’s minutes. Then it’s hours. Suddenly, you’re trying to figure out the last time you talked to him. You think of events that surrounded whatever conversation abruptly ended, trying to surface the exact second you last heard from him. For awhile, this will eat at you. This process will be stuck on repeat. And then suddenly, as easily and as quickly as it is for him to ignore you, you just..stop caring. The person that you thought would never fill the void he left in your life starts to seep into the hole. The things you wanted to tell him about are precious without his approval. The late night drives are filled with thinking of what an amazing day you had instead of crying over him. Accomplishments and met goals are replayed over and over in your head as you stand back up. Breathing is easier. Existing becomes beautiful.
Life goes on.
And you feel fucking invisible.
Because for a couple of months, you didn’t think it was going to. But here you are. Here we are.